Facing the fear of failure

I was kicking around the idea of taking a lifeguarding class so I can help out with my daughter's Girl Scout Troop when they are at camp.  As the day drew nearer to start, I began to grew apprehensive about my ability to be successful with the course.  The CPR part would be a refresher since I am already certified.  Any book work would be cake, I am great at studying now that I am older and wiser.  I am a solid swimmer, not fast, not pretty to watch, but I can get through the water and strong currents.  Stamina is a bit of an issue, but that will return with practice.  

My concern was that I cannot dive, which makes reaching the bottom of the deep end problematic.  Eight feet deep is a non-issue, it is ten feet and deeper that caused me consternation.  I began to second guess my decision to take the class, I was not sure I could pass that portion of the course, which would make my efforts all for naught.  

As the day drew nearer for me to start the class, I grew more apprehensive.  I almost backed out of the course, "why waste the money?  Why waste the time?  You are 48, why emabarass yourself?  You didn't even try to do this when you were younger and in better shape..." My brain was giving me many reasons to not go.  I discussed my concerns with the instructor, his idea was to try the course and see what happens.  I ran my thoughts past my wife, she said pretty much the same thing.  Both did not have too much concern about my ability to pass the course.

Well, I took their advice and went to the class.  As expected the CPR is pretty much what I already know, just more breathing since water is involved.  We practiced some rescues, I still need work on some of them, but that will come with practice.  Then, the moment that I was almost dreading arrived, the pull a weight from the bottom of the pool test.  I went last out of the group of students, bouncing ideas on how to succeed at the task off of my fellow classmates.  They were encouraging and helpful with ideas.  

I went with my old reliable move, feet first into the water which put me almost to the bottom.  However when I flipped to reach for the weight I started to float up to the surface.  I could see the weight just out of my grasp, but achievable to reach.  For what seemed to take minutes, but surely only took seconds I kicked and flailed for the bottom of the pool.  I grasped the weight as water began to fill my swim goggles.  I was fired up at grabbing the weight, but now I realized I still had to get to the surface.  I did not get a good push off the bottom to assist my upward movement, but the ten pound weight was not an issue.  I kicked and pulled, weight in hand, eyes closed since my were goggles filled with water, until I broke the surface.  I am sure the entire spectacle was not pretty to watch or look very coordinated, but I succeeded at the one thing I feared most.  

I reached the bottom of the pool and successfully brought the weight to the surface.  It doesn't sound like much, but it was a major confidence boost to this old man.  I now believe that I can successfully complete the rest of the course, which was in doubt because of my fear of that test.  Make no mistake, I have plenty of room for improvement, but now I know I can do it.  Once you know something can be achieved, improvement is something to look forward to.  It was a lesson I need to relearn.